You saw his photo on the front page. You wonder about the funky master of disaster, Rufus?

He's mysterious. He's cool. This brotha offers the band morale-boosting, spiritually uplifting guidance to keep us in the pocket.

Rufus don't need no drugs to keep things groovin'; he's like the Chuck Norris of funk. In fact...

Rufus' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rufus counted to infinity - twice.

Rufus does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Rufus goes killing.

If you can see Rufus, he can see you. If you can't see Rufus you may be only seconds away from death.

Rufus sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Rufus roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Rufus.

Rufus built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Rufus met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Rufus has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

A blind man once stepped on Rufus' shoe. Rufus replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Rufus!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Rufus.

So, now you know a few golden nuggets of funk about Rufus. And Rufus is glad to share the wealth, so come and hang with his crew, Shades of Soul.

I am Rufus, and I approve this message.

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    Some media courtesy of and Southeast Missourian.